2011-05-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

BLOG POST FROM JD:

The tour is alive and kicking through the midwest once again! Nine shows in ten days across four states, racking up 3700 miles and 63 hours of car-time along the way. Who routed this insanity? Somebody buy our tour manager an atlas! Anywho, we have one day off right in the middle of it all, and that happens to be today, so we're checking in from DeKalb, IL, with the story so far.

NIGHT 1 - Sandy Hook Tavern - Hazel Green, WI
Two shows in one night for the JAH tour? It does happen sometimes, and this was one of them. Sandy Hook provided us with the first real treat of the run: New Glarus Spotted Cow, aka the best beer Wisconsin has to offer. And as with most Wisconsinites, the people of Hazel Green take their drinking seriously. Allow this cartoon on the Sandy Hook icebox to illustrate the point...

"I think you should quit drinking." "I think you should shut the fuck up!"

The shows went well, especially the early sets. JD drank close to his own body weight in Spotted Cows, and learned that sometimes when the locals brag about the quality of their weed to the comics, they actually do have good weed. Next time, though, he will remember to do the bulk of the drinking and smoking after the second show!

Unfortunately, the all-you-can-eat fried pike at the supper club near our motel sucked. Hard.

NIGHT 2 - Kro Bar - Brule, WI
Another night in the land of beer and cheese, and a damned good one at that. The motel was just a few blocks from the bar, so the Spotted Cows were in full force again. The show went over like gangbusters, except for the table of chicks in the corner who weren't as hot as they thought but were definitely drunker than they thought and wouldn't shut up. Scot's an old pro when it comes to sticking it to annoying drunk bitches, though, so they got theirs. This note that was left for the owner says it all...

Hell yeah!

By the way, if you ever find yourself in Brule, WI, and need a bite to eat, you must go to Kro Bar. The breakfast we had the morning after was damned good, and the Brat-Bacon-Burger (that's right, triple meats) was fricken awesome. We like good food and hate shitty food on the JAH tour, in case you couldn't tell.

NIGHT 3 - Hansboro Bar - Hansboro, ND
This is actually a make-up gig from one we had to drop back in April on account of about two feet of water flooding this basement bar. Shitty winters, shitty springs; why does anyone still live in North Dakota? Hansboro has an official population of about 10 people, and there were 20 or so on hand for the gig. That's right, the JAH tour doubled the population of the town just by showing up! We rule. The gig was good, just as it was the last time we were here back in November.

The highlight of the day, though, occurred early on in our drive in from Wisconsin. We passed this sign on the highway, and we obviously had to turn around and get it photographed...

JD looks like he has already been visiting the place.

The Bong Memorial really exists, too. It's a memorial to a dude named Richard Bong. That's right, Dick Bong. Google it.

This was the first time we encountered the ever-popular Pizza Corner bar pizza that seems to be everywhere in ND/SD/MN, and it was as good as it ever is. Considering how much Pizza Corner we eat on the road, they should give us a damned sponsorship!

NIGHT 4 - Geno's - Onamia, MN
Now here's a night that turned out to be a party to remember, for sure! We sometimes have trouble with sound systems on the JAH tour, and this was one of those nights. So, about five minutes into the show, JD told the mic to go fuck itself, tapped into his junior high school play skills, and just spent the show shouting at a bar full of people. Who knew it could still work out this way? We did, that's who. This isn't the first time it's happened, and it won't be the last. Good thing we rule!

After JD finished off his little slice of vulgarity with a particularly street-preacher version of "Dick's Lollipops" (if you don't know, see the show), Scot proceeded to hold court like the loudest dude at a loud party and ripped the place up. T-shirts were sold at a healthy clip, and JD even got to do this...

In Onamia, JD is a signing-tits kind of star!

Now, sure, they each got one of JD's new "iSuck" t-shirts in exchange for the privilege, but JD knows how much he paid for those t-shirts, and he definitely got the better end of that deal!

So, there you have it. The trip has been good so far, even if we are averaging eight hours a day in the car. We came out o DeKalb, IL, today for the gig we have here tomorrow, so we actually get a day with no driving at all. We are in Mount Morris, IL, on Thursday and that's barely a drive at all. Then we do a couple more eight hour days: going to Fairfax, MN, on Friday and back to Evansville, WI, on Saturday. Stay tuned for part two of the road report!

Just Another Day at the Office

2011-05-10T16:33:00.000-07:00

The Planes have turned to mud and haven't started to swet yet. It's comfortable now but Mesquito season's come'n. I keep try'n to point the tour towards Montana but they keep book'n in Oklahoma. I'll work Kansas in July if I have to but I sure as fuck aint set'n foot in Texas.

BOUNCER OF THE YEAR

2010-06-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

Drew the bouncer from the Sugar Shack in Leesville, LA finally answered the question: "What the fuck does it take to get thrown out of one of my shows," the answer...Piss on my face.

After years of dodging beer cans, and near fist fights from stage, while club owners set idly by playing video poker, a drunk finally crossed the line Leesville, LA.

Bouncer Drew walked into the can and caught some drunk jack off hosing down the wall above the urinile playing target practice with my flier,

and threw him the fuck out! In honor of Bouncer Drew, I will now start carrying 2 XL sizes of my T-Shirts on the road!

If you've heard of it...we don't work there.

2010-06-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

First we did a show for the only 30 black people in all of Maine, then we saw half the tits in Warren, MA, after that we tripped balls on the rocks in Bolivar, NY... but nothing could prepare us for mini-Hulk.

TOUR NEWS

Just Another Day at the Office

BOUNCER OF THE YEAR

If you've heard of it...we don't work there.